See what I did in the title? Good, eh 😉
Frankly I’ve been dwelling on time in the brief moments I have to myself during the day. I was walking over one of the footbridges in London and paused for a split-second mid-stride to take in my surroundings. London is a beautiful city and living here I don’t appreciate it as much as I should. A few weeks ago I was in Paris and was awed by the wonderful architecture with rich creamy stonework and amazing sculptures. I wondered why London wasn’t like that, but as soon as I arrived back home I had a proper look around. Those buildings, whilst maybe of a different material, are everywhere here. What makes London different is how much we have grasped the new and incorporated it next to the old. In Paris everything is old; if it is new then it is either made to look old or is in a place where new is not so strange. Even the Eiffel Tower has the grace of days gone by.
I try to take in as much as I can now. I’m a young adult so I have much ahead of me, but somehow I can see that the years will slip by in no time at all – I will no doubt change somewhat over time and I will eventually be in a different place with different circumstances and people. I am all for change, but the thought of getting older makes me queezy. It’s not so much the getting old bit that I feel reluctant about; it is the potential for missed opportunities and letting myself open up to new people that may eventually be a part of my life. I try my hardest to grasp at every opportunity I can, making deals with people to go places and do things in the hope that I can do at least one. If I don’t step up, then how will I know? I am trying to be proactive in life and it scares me that I could die tomorrow – it makes me cautious and that is exactly what I don’t need to progress. Caution is fine, but I don’t want to be afraid of my own shadow! I feel this is something that I have picked up from my mother, as she is overly cautious and aware of everything. The best cure would be to go out and be adventurous, but for now I have to bide my time. I have a goal and a plan of how to get there. I need to stabilise my future. I need to create a security net so that I can go and do my own thing and still come back and have options. It’s a struggle to keep up in a world full of ‘things’ that seem to get in the way, but I am confident that I will get there in the end. In what shape, though, I do not know.