Spiders!!!!! *goes mad!*

One of my greatest fears in life has eight legs and scuttles around in a very creepy way. It is the dreaded spider. The biggest trouble I have with this fear is my innate inability to kill living things. So thus I run. I run to a place where I am a safe enough distance away from the critter without putting myself out of the room (aka near to the door). This strategy does not always work when the creature in question is attached to the back of the door as I found one heart-stopping evening, hand extended towards the doorknob. Can’t say I’m exaggerating the bodily effect either – the phrase ‘heart-in-mouth’ became an accurate metaphor for my state of being.

I shall expand this further tomorrow as I have to get to sleep soon ~ damned to a life with the things, woe the effects should they cease to exist. Trials and tribulations!

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

With jam in!

Not really related to this post, but it’s about the only joke I know without slaughtering it. Just about!

Well, these thoughts were inspired by the word ‘jam’ as that is where I found myself yesterday (Thursday) when I found myself trying to make conversation on a conference call with some big VIPs in the US. As a tekkie I am notoriously bad at social behaviour, especially the talking variety.

My boss hadn’t yet joined the conference and the big boss guy from this big huge corporation was asking me about what sort of data we needed from them. (Have I mentioned that I’m a data analyst?) Now, I know the answer to that question and so I pretty much got to the point, but found that when I wanted to explain what we have that they could use I had suddenly forgotten everything I knew about anything and was in a metaphorical ‘jam’.

This is one reason why I IMMENSELY dislike phone conversations. In person you can see that the big boss isn’t that scary and you can make eye contact, but hearing the bodiless voice over the phone somehow incites a primordial fear of the unknown. It didn’t help that I’d been constantly told how important these people are (there were about four other people in the conference call). *sigh*

Well, anyway, I froze up and ended up bumbling on and apologising as I was nervous, which, reflecting upon it afterwards, was a silly thing to do as I basically told them that I was inexperienced and unsure of myself or whatever. Arg! I spent a year a couple of years ago talking to people on the phone for a job – you’d think I’d have overcome such a fear!

And so a moral of the story has come to light.

Life can be frustrating and things you think you have conquered come back every now and then when you least expect it. Of course, there is no point spending your life looking over your shoulder and forever afraid of your shadow; if incidents happen again you just have to learn to deal with them and move on. An important lesson I learnt when I was younger is how important it is to be able laugh at yourself. People are less likely to peck at points they think maybe be a ‘weakness’ if you laugh and it and don’t seem to care.

All about the façade, huh.

Fight – for the right – to cho~~~colate!

Not sure if it came across in the title, but I was thinking of a particular song; exchange chocolate for party. 😉

Yes, well. Chocolate. I have to say that I’m rather partial to the stuff. So imagine my fury when I go downstairs to try some of the Marks n Sparks chocolate roulade cake and find an empty box lying by the bin. Hell hath no fury greater than a woman scorned (or something like that). In my case, scorned by not leaving any chocolate cake. As it happens, this is the SECOND time in as many months where the last of the cake has been scoffed by some of the snout-and-trotter laden humans wandering about this home. Manners do not exist with food, even if you have eaten a large meal earlier in the day; if you don’t get to the cake in time, you don’t get any. I tell you, my fury raged for a good few minutes. The particular family member in question even admitted to feeling slightly ill afterwards from eating  too much (around 1/5th of the cake!!).

But even with a small retribution like that to help rebalance the world or whatever, the damage was done. That person then went onto claim that they were saving myself from those extra calories – that extra fat – and sacrificed themselves. Of course, all of this was said with a cheeky-with-a-hint-of-sheepish grin on their face so didn’t mean sod. It is the excuse used every time a piece of food gets scoffed when it could have been someone else’s. The other member of this family took my side in complaining, but considering that they had tried some of this cake I was not interested in supporters. I quickly reminded that person of the incident just less than a month ago when the last sizeable chunk of rich chocolate cake suddenly disappeared from its stand. And so the sheepish laughs rang throughout the house. I decided to grab some chocolate digestives as a replacement (hardly good enough, especially as they were milk, not plain, chocolate) and return to the solitude of my room. Yet another mark left in my proverbial black book. One day I shall wreak my revenge.

The days go bye…

See what I did in the title? Good, eh 😉

Frankly I’ve been dwelling on time in the brief moments I have to myself during the day. I was walking over one of the footbridges in London and paused for a split-second mid-stride to take in my surroundings. London is a beautiful city and living here I don’t appreciate it as much as I should. A few weeks ago I was in Paris and was awed by the wonderful architecture with rich creamy stonework and amazing sculptures. I wondered why London wasn’t like that, but as soon as I arrived back home I had a proper look around. Those buildings, whilst maybe of a different material, are everywhere here. What makes London different is how much we have grasped the new and incorporated it next to the old. In Paris everything is old; if it is new then it is either made to look old or is in a place where new is not so strange. Even the Eiffel Tower has the grace of days gone by. 

I try to take in as much as I can now. I’m a young adult so I have much ahead of me, but somehow I can see that the years will slip by in no time at all – I will no doubt change somewhat over time and I will eventually be in a different place with different circumstances and people. I am all for change, but the thought of getting older makes me queezy. It’s not so much the getting old bit that I feel reluctant about; it is the potential for missed opportunities and letting myself open up to new people that may eventually be a part of my life. I try my hardest to grasp at every opportunity I can, making deals with people to go places and do things in the hope that I can do at least one. If I don’t step up, then how will I know? I am trying to be proactive in life and it scares me that I could die tomorrow – it makes me cautious and that is exactly what I don’t need to progress. Caution is fine, but I don’t want to be afraid of my own shadow! I feel this is something that I have picked up from my mother, as she is overly cautious and aware of everything. The best cure would be to go out and be adventurous, but for now I have to bide my time. I have a goal and a plan of how to get there. I need to stabilise my future. I need to create a security net so that I can go and do my own thing and still come back and have options. It’s a struggle to keep up in a world full of ‘things’ that seem to get in the way, but I am confident that I will get there in the end. In what shape, though, I do not know.

Ahhh a few days too many passed by! Let’s talk about hot-headed people…

The last few days have been more involved at work, although I am not doing as much as I would like at the moment. The person who I’m supposed to be working with finally came back from holiday, 3 weeks after I started! Talk about bad timing, oh well…

On the 15th when I was tired (still am) I had a strange lunch. One of the girls from work, lets caller her Ms M, invited me to go with them to get some food and go to Boots to get whatever they needed. Eager to join in with the crowd I happily agreed. All went well until we went to Boots. I got talking to one of the girls and we were chatting away while we walked there and looked around and when I went to go and pay Ms M was behind me.

So I reached the checkout and was paying when a girl walked by me and Ms M shouted after her for pushing in. This other girl (unknown) made some comment under her breath and turned around again. So Ms M, even more loudly, asker her to repeat what she said and when she did you could see the world flip over and the titan emerge. She started talking heatedly (and very loudly) to this girl, telling her how rude she was and I tried to calm her down but could see that it was going to be impossible (I had paid at this point). It was very strange. I could almost see this roaring dragon behind her eyes that didn’t even see me – just this girl. I moved out the way to stand by one of my colleagues that was waiting by the products at the end of the queue and we watched with mixed fascination, surprise and a little horror at what was happening.

It quickly led to Ms M pushing this girl out the way to stand in front of the till. The girl pretty much flew across the floor. If there weren’t objects just behind her, I reckon she would have landed a lot further than she did. This brought some stunned silence to the rest of the crowd; there was a reasonable number of people at the tills and waiting for them in the narrow line behind the sweets where this girl had landed. The girl got up quite quickly and Ms M kept on ranting about something or another, demanding service. Ms M went to stand in front of another till while this girl stood at the same one, with Ms M making idle threats at the woman she floored if she said any more. I’m not sure but she might have actually hit her properly if provoked again…

The man behind the cashier refused to serve her and called for another server who quickly and quietly scanned Ms M’s goods while she continued ranting and raving on. I have to say I was a little surprised at the behaviour – I did not expect that and I don’t think any of the other girls from the office did, either. It took her the best part of an hour to calm down and you could almost see the clogs ticking round behind her eyes. At first she had no remorse; Ms M constantly reminded us that she would have hit her if she needed to (probably just idle threats at this point, but she is one of the most heated people I’ve ever seen). She even told friends over the phone what had happened, they seemingly agreeing with her by the loud tone of her conversation. I have to say I found this attitude quite interesting as I don’t know anyone quite like that. I know a few hot-headed guys, but this was on a different plane – really different!

After a while, when talking with the rest of us back in the office, she said that she could have handled it differently, but kept on about if people aggravated her she would happily retaliate. Then after a while after that she admitted that she could have handled things better and that she isn’t normally like that. Then it got down to full remorse, apologising to everyone for her behaviour multiple times and stating that she is never normally like that. I suspect that she is more hot-headed than she likes to admit. I was, at that point, envisaging judo throwing her and holding her in a lock should the situation arise in the office, but that is a private fantasy 😉 Plus I doubt it would be a particularly good idea…

Anyway, it was a surprising turn of events that probably should deter me from her company, but doesn’t particularly affect how I feel about her to be honest. I don’t know her! I’m not particularly judgemental on situations like that, although I do become more alert of small changes in body language. I want to write more but am tired and I need sleep!

Night night x